Age:Â 37
Job:Â Actor
Last book read:Â Independence Day by Richard Ford
Last film seen:Â The Baker
Last music heard:Â Mozart, on my children’s musical caterpillar
Last dose of live culture:Â Women of Troy by Euripides at the National Theatre. A superb production by Katie Mitchell
Patient examination
What, in human history, do you wish had never been invented?
Text messaging. People’s need for instant answers is a tyranny.
If you could have been born in any century, which would it be?
The first. The only time sandals looked cool.
What cliché is most relevant to you?
“Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today”. I try, God I try, but it’s no use.
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The ending to which film/book has most disappointed you?
Memento. Because it was at the beginning and I missed it.
What is your fantasy other job?
Liverpool No. 10. And cleaning Stevie Gerrard’s boots.
If you had to be stranded in any one place in the world, where would it be?
On Black Mountain in Wales. It’s the only place I’ve been where the air tastes even better than it smells.
Name something you truly believe in.
Family. And rehabilitation for those who have been radicalised as a result of poverty and ignorance.
Who would you most like to sit next to on a long-haul flight?
George W Bush. I’d ask: “What the hell were you thinking?” I don’t need the answer, just the chance to shout at him for 15 hours.
Which public figure do you think is most overrated?
Adolf Hitler. He was a lot worse than people realised.
What question are you never asked, and most want to answer?
“Damian, how can we win the World Cup?” The answer involves me playing.
What has been your greatest discovery online?
How to build a shed. I’ve (half) put one up in my garden, but I forgot to put my bike inside and it got nicked. I’ll finish it tomorrow.
Our diagnosis
You’re a chronic procrastinator, but you’re not very good at it. Leaving the shed unfinished, arriving late to the movies and putting off getting back to your friends is – on a scale of one to Hamlet – pretty low-quality dawdling. The following form a master class in the adage: if you’re not going to do it, don’t do it well.
Our prescription
- Recommended film: Good Bye Lenin! (2003)
It is 1990 in East Germany and Alex’s mother, a staunch socialist, awakens from an eight-month coma. Because of her fragile health, Alex wants to hide the fact that while she has been asleep the Berlin Wall has toppled and Coca-Cola, not Lenin, has triumphed. In an elaborate ruse that partly involves sabotaging the radio and reusing old tins of asparagus, this tragi-comedy paints an ingenious tale about putting off bad news.
- Recommended book: Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure by Dave Gorman (2005)
Googlewhacks are Google search queries that return a single result. While attempting to write a novel, British comedian Dave Gorman became obsessed with them. In an impressive ploy to avoid the Word Count facility on his computer, he travelled across the world looking for people who had authored them. He never got around to writing his novel, but did produce this inspired piece of non-fiction that became a huge bestseller.
- Recommended music: Third by Portishead (2008)
You’ll have to loaf about a bit in your sandals before you buy this, as it isn’t officially released until the end of next month. Despite it being 10 years in the making, Portishead’s ghostly wailings and brilliant musicianship are as compelling as ever. “I’m always so unsure,” groans Gibbons as the track Threads begins to build, surely a reference to the group’s prolonged recording hiatus. This album is proof that the beauty of being a great procrastinator is that you’ll never get around to curing the problem.
- Damian Lewis stars in The Baker, which is on general release and also on DVD, and The Escapist, which is out in June. Both are Picture Farm productions.
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